No…not Constant Craving.. the lovely song by K.D. Lang about - I don’t craving something. I’m speaking of Sybil’s act of constantly claiming she’s either A.) going to get a job or B) going back to school to get her degree.
The claim that she is going to get a job is then followed by the excuse that her hours of availability to work are so limited because she has to run her children around all day to appointments and such. Now, mind you 90% of the ‘running around’ she insists that is required of her is self induced. One may ask how this is possible. I have an answer.
First, she has entitled her children in such a way that they insist on going to a school district that she no longer lives in. She has made little effort to move back into that school district and so they need to be driven to school on her days. The older ones (MS & MN) are dropped off at school in the morning at 7:15 for a 7:30 school time. Then the second set of children are dropped off at 8 and then 9 a.m. (these two are from Mark - her second husband.) Then, her children are picked up from their schools at 2:30, 3 p.m. and whenever the littlest one is finished with pre-school. She absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of changing school districts because “that’s not what they want.” And she refuses to look into before or after school care for the littler ones.
Granted- I will admit she’s in a predicament because of the economy now but she had ample opportunity over the past year to get a job, but she has not tried nor does she want to. This is the same woman that less than 8 months ago paid plenty of money to fight us tooth and nail for more child support than she legally deserved. She actually sat on the stand and stated on record “I have no potential” in the saddest little voice you’ve ever heard. Well, I beg to differ. There are still plenty of jobs out there that she is fully capable of doing but she is entirely too busy trying to secure her next victim who will financially take care of her. THAT is why she has no time to get a job.
The claim to go back to school…is a joke. The first time around she broke down because she couldn’t handle being so far away from her family and it was ‘too hard.’ The second time she was too busy making babies to make her grades. So what, the third time will be a charm? Hmmmm. Something tells me- it ain’t happn’en.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Sybil Saga (part (IV)
As we pulled into the long uphill driveway (with a sign called Hotrod Hill) we were debating on if we should bring the 3 huge binders full of “documentation” we have gathered against Sybil in with us. We figured we might as well. It was a huge house- you couldn’t really tell as most of it was hidden but we knew from the bragging the girls had done throughout the relationship. It felt strange, being on enemy territory…expensive enemy territory and being painfully reminded of the reasons why we lost the first battle. Mark’s sister (Mandy) greeted us at the door with an enormous smile as she hugged me. I thought “oh shit- we’ve got huggers here” but it ended up being just her.
Looking back I can understand a bit why she hugged me. We had had the “coming to Jesus” conversation on the side after we had agreed to meet over the phone where I asked “why in the hell should we trust you and your family?” Pretty much in those exact words. She was understanding of our position and very humble. We e-mailed back and forth prior to the meeting a few times about miscellaneous stuff which also explained the hug- in the process discovering that we had a lot in common. We sat down at the huge dining room, pulled out our first monster binder and started hashing out some of the crap we had been dealing with and trying to get to the bottom of things. Many of our suspicions were confirmed: that she would intentionally dodge our calls (with the girls knowing), bad mouth Norm to them, ask leading and accusatory questions about us, essentially discourage them from going to school and enable the shit out of them. If fact we found out that Sybil had been paying MS to stay home from school and watch the other kids while she would go hang out with her new boyfriend. Made us a little ill to be honest but it wasn’t like we didn’t know what she was capable of but... We also learned that she was accusing Mark of some pretty wicked stuff to include physically abusing MS. None of which we believed an ounce of – we’d been the subject of too many of her allegations that it made it impossible to believe a thing anymore.
At the end of the meeting there were apologies and understandings. We had made the decision to file again but we were going to try it on our own first and pull our attorney in later if needed. I wrote up the motion and the affidavit. Had Norm sign it, I filed it and personally served her myself. Can’t deny I took a bit of pleasure in that. A week or two later she retained an attorney- a “friend” of hers that was a parent of one of MS’s friends. She contacted us to try to “mediate” and hopefully come to an agreement without having to go to court. We laughed and explained to her that there is no way Sybil will agree to anything more than what was currently in place and that she did not understand the concept of ‘compromise’ but we were willing to give it a shot nonetheless. We met with her, she drew up an agreement that her own client wouldn’t sign even after she had verbally agreed. She refused to admit her own client was being unreasonable and started flinging mud which is when we retained our former attorney...and then WWII started.
Looking back I can understand a bit why she hugged me. We had had the “coming to Jesus” conversation on the side after we had agreed to meet over the phone where I asked “why in the hell should we trust you and your family?” Pretty much in those exact words. She was understanding of our position and very humble. We e-mailed back and forth prior to the meeting a few times about miscellaneous stuff which also explained the hug- in the process discovering that we had a lot in common. We sat down at the huge dining room, pulled out our first monster binder and started hashing out some of the crap we had been dealing with and trying to get to the bottom of things. Many of our suspicions were confirmed: that she would intentionally dodge our calls (with the girls knowing), bad mouth Norm to them, ask leading and accusatory questions about us, essentially discourage them from going to school and enable the shit out of them. If fact we found out that Sybil had been paying MS to stay home from school and watch the other kids while she would go hang out with her new boyfriend. Made us a little ill to be honest but it wasn’t like we didn’t know what she was capable of but... We also learned that she was accusing Mark of some pretty wicked stuff to include physically abusing MS. None of which we believed an ounce of – we’d been the subject of too many of her allegations that it made it impossible to believe a thing anymore.
At the end of the meeting there were apologies and understandings. We had made the decision to file again but we were going to try it on our own first and pull our attorney in later if needed. I wrote up the motion and the affidavit. Had Norm sign it, I filed it and personally served her myself. Can’t deny I took a bit of pleasure in that. A week or two later she retained an attorney- a “friend” of hers that was a parent of one of MS’s friends. She contacted us to try to “mediate” and hopefully come to an agreement without having to go to court. We laughed and explained to her that there is no way Sybil will agree to anything more than what was currently in place and that she did not understand the concept of ‘compromise’ but we were willing to give it a shot nonetheless. We met with her, she drew up an agreement that her own client wouldn’t sign even after she had verbally agreed. She refused to admit her own client was being unreasonable and started flinging mud which is when we retained our former attorney...and then WWII started.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The 12 days of a Sybil filled Christmas
On the 1st day or Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a hint that she’s either getting remarried to the latest victim or a job because she’ll have insurance coverage for the girls for the first time EVA!!!
On the 2nd day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a load of crap about Norm trying to ‘manipulate the court order’ - how does one do that anyway- it’s clear as a freaking bell?
On the 3rd day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a little peace and quiet…she backed off when Norm FINALLY defended himself and basically told her that the girls are ‘telling her what they think she wants to hear’ regardless if it’s true or not AND that he was going to be discussing this with the therapists because he’s tired of the manipulation from the girls. WOO HOO-GO NORM!
On the 4th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a request to take the girls on vacation to Disney over Christmas Break???? How very intersting seeing as:
a) She has NEVER taken the girls on a major vacation before
b) This comes less than 6 months after we took the girls to Disney for a week. Coincidence???
c) She has no money so her new boyfriend must be taking them- poor sucker!
d) She mentioned getting insurance and we doubt VERY highly she’s actually getting a job- could this be a wedding trip? We heard her boyfriend was bringing a friend…possibly a best man or witness??? Hmmmmmm.
On the 5th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a no show at the meeting with the girls therapists. What could be more important than discussing the mental health of her daughters? Ah, it was good she didn’t show- the therapists shared some really great feedback that the girls are adjusting very well in our home and that it would be a good time to implement some chores to help the girls feel more like the home is theirs too. Tee he he.
On the 6th day of Christmas thy Sybil gave to me- lack of accountability. THERE’S A BIG SURPRISE! So the CS order never got implemented. We’ve been trying to get this resolved for weeks and asked Sybil to look into it too seeing as it’s a total pain in her ass to go to the bank every other week (if we’re lucky) to get a cachiers check for the overage she’s receiving. Think she can lift a finger to look into this since she doesn’t work? No f’en way.
On the 7th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- cooperation in regard to the girls Christmas presents in that she would make sure no one else got them the same thing we did. Huh.
On the 8th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- the itinerary for their trip to Disney. Apparently they’re taking their cousin too- she’s a little demon…sound like a BLAST.
On the 9th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a rumor that she’s breaking up with the guy fronting the bill for the Disney trip- when they come back. It’s just a RUMOR…but right up her alley.
On the 10th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a possible match made in heaven? Some background: during Custody Battle 2- Sybil hired a ‘friend/parent/acquantence’ who was an attorney to represent her. This woman also represented Sybil’s sister during her nasty, false accusation filled divorce. It ended up rather poorly for the attorney with both as Sybil’s sister never paid her and so she slapped a judgement on her. Then Sybil refused to pay her too and she slapped a judgement on Sybil as well. The atty screwed up on Sybils sisters appeal and the judge dismissed her judgement. This attorney is still after Sybil for a pretty penny AND she just filed another motion against Sybil for contempt…wonder what that’s about. I believe Sybil has finally met her match- her former ‘friend/parent/acquantence’ attorney wants to make her pay and has the time and legal expertise to do it. I look forward to watching this one shake out.
On the 11th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- ATTEMPTED INSURANCE FRAUD???? Found out she tried claiming some medical bills on her former husbands health insurance well after the divorce was finalized. It was very intentional- the treatment occurred months and months after the divorce. It was denied but there will be no punishment for her. She’ll get away with it no doubt- she always does.
And finally on the 12th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- one final lie before the New Year that puts her in contempt. She got the child support on the 9th of December and was supposed to reimburse us ‘immediately’- which to her means 2 weeks. Norm called her on December 23rd asking why he didn’t have it yet and she said she’d drop a check off later that day. Nothing. Then she left for Disney so we still have not gotten it. That’s 3 weeks she’s had Norm’s money, during Christmas- the most expesive time of the year and now she owes for the pmt she received in later December. Awesome.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a load of crap about Norm trying to ‘manipulate the court order’ - how does one do that anyway- it’s clear as a freaking bell?
On the 3rd day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a little peace and quiet…she backed off when Norm FINALLY defended himself and basically told her that the girls are ‘telling her what they think she wants to hear’ regardless if it’s true or not AND that he was going to be discussing this with the therapists because he’s tired of the manipulation from the girls. WOO HOO-GO NORM!
On the 4th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a request to take the girls on vacation to Disney over Christmas Break???? How very intersting seeing as:
a) She has NEVER taken the girls on a major vacation before
b) This comes less than 6 months after we took the girls to Disney for a week. Coincidence???
c) She has no money so her new boyfriend must be taking them- poor sucker!
d) She mentioned getting insurance and we doubt VERY highly she’s actually getting a job- could this be a wedding trip? We heard her boyfriend was bringing a friend…possibly a best man or witness??? Hmmmmmm.
On the 5th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a no show at the meeting with the girls therapists. What could be more important than discussing the mental health of her daughters? Ah, it was good she didn’t show- the therapists shared some really great feedback that the girls are adjusting very well in our home and that it would be a good time to implement some chores to help the girls feel more like the home is theirs too. Tee he he.
On the 6th day of Christmas thy Sybil gave to me- lack of accountability. THERE’S A BIG SURPRISE! So the CS order never got implemented. We’ve been trying to get this resolved for weeks and asked Sybil to look into it too seeing as it’s a total pain in her ass to go to the bank every other week (if we’re lucky) to get a cachiers check for the overage she’s receiving. Think she can lift a finger to look into this since she doesn’t work? No f’en way.
On the 7th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- cooperation in regard to the girls Christmas presents in that she would make sure no one else got them the same thing we did. Huh.
On the 8th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- the itinerary for their trip to Disney. Apparently they’re taking their cousin too- she’s a little demon…sound like a BLAST.
On the 9th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a rumor that she’s breaking up with the guy fronting the bill for the Disney trip- when they come back. It’s just a RUMOR…but right up her alley.
On the 10th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a possible match made in heaven? Some background: during Custody Battle 2- Sybil hired a ‘friend/parent/acquantence’ who was an attorney to represent her. This woman also represented Sybil’s sister during her nasty, false accusation filled divorce. It ended up rather poorly for the attorney with both as Sybil’s sister never paid her and so she slapped a judgement on her. Then Sybil refused to pay her too and she slapped a judgement on Sybil as well. The atty screwed up on Sybils sisters appeal and the judge dismissed her judgement. This attorney is still after Sybil for a pretty penny AND she just filed another motion against Sybil for contempt…wonder what that’s about. I believe Sybil has finally met her match- her former ‘friend/parent/acquantence’ attorney wants to make her pay and has the time and legal expertise to do it. I look forward to watching this one shake out.
On the 11th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- ATTEMPTED INSURANCE FRAUD???? Found out she tried claiming some medical bills on her former husbands health insurance well after the divorce was finalized. It was very intentional- the treatment occurred months and months after the divorce. It was denied but there will be no punishment for her. She’ll get away with it no doubt- she always does.
And finally on the 12th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- one final lie before the New Year that puts her in contempt. She got the child support on the 9th of December and was supposed to reimburse us ‘immediately’- which to her means 2 weeks. Norm called her on December 23rd asking why he didn’t have it yet and she said she’d drop a check off later that day. Nothing. Then she left for Disney so we still have not gotten it. That’s 3 weeks she’s had Norm’s money, during Christmas- the most expesive time of the year and now she owes for the pmt she received in later December. Awesome.
Friday, November 28, 2008
I have to laugh
So the nasty grams have been flying back and forth between Sybil and Norm (a.k.a. ME) and in an attempt to be more accommodating we asked her LAST MONTH if she wanted to switch the ‘school break’ drop off time from 5 to 5:30 (so on days when there isn’t school she drops them off at 5 p.m. instead of them coming home after school..) She typically calls around 5 to say she’s running late and drops them off at more like 5:20 so we offered to change it to 5:30 for her.
Now last week- a month later she’s pitches a fit because in the e-mail we made her sound like she’s running late all the time when “in fact she is NEVER late and she calls to change the time not to tell us she’s running late.” Hmmmm sounds like late to me. So we responded- never mind- we were just trying to be nice but you seemed to have missed that.
I shit you not – Wednesday she was supposed to drop the girls off at 5:00 and she dropped them off at 5:20 without even a phone call. We sat around waiting to go to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving dinner until they got there. I just have to laugh because if I don’t, I’ll go mad. She's so awesome.
Now last week- a month later she’s pitches a fit because in the e-mail we made her sound like she’s running late all the time when “in fact she is NEVER late and she calls to change the time not to tell us she’s running late.” Hmmmm sounds like late to me. So we responded- never mind- we were just trying to be nice but you seemed to have missed that.
I shit you not – Wednesday she was supposed to drop the girls off at 5:00 and she dropped them off at 5:20 without even a phone call. We sat around waiting to go to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving dinner until they got there. I just have to laugh because if I don’t, I’ll go mad. She's so awesome.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sybil Saga (part III)
Prior to our discovery of Sybil and Mark’s trouble in paradise, Norm and Sybil attended court ordered co-parenting counseling which went absolutely nowhere since Sybil refused to take any responsibility for her "poor" decisions and less that appropriate behavior. The counselor pulled the plug when Sybil sent a nasty e-mail to her manager stating that the counselor was biased and stated that she did not have the girls best interests in mind when she was making her recommendations. There was no follow through on the rest of the court order which was designed to increase Norm’s placement with his girls since it hinged on Sybil and Norm's co-parent counselor making recommendations. The girls were barely attending school at all due to Sybil’s Munchausen by Proxy characteristics but the county was already heavily involved (with a thick blanket of wool pulled over their eyes) so our hands were pretty much tied. Essentially Norm and I felt there was nothing more we could do unless the county got some balls and threatened to take the girls from Sybil or she was institutionalized.
Our delight with the trouble in paradise faded slowly when we discovered that Sybil and Mark were ‘working it out’. He had moved out in the interim but they were going to therapy and ‘dating’ again. They had two children together so they were both fighting to keep the marriage together for the sake of the kids. Eventually he moved back in and they stuck it out for another year and half and as a result, we threw in the towel.
One beautiful Sunday morning in the Spring of last year we got a phone call- it was Mark's dad. A very wealthy man- the CEO of the company Mark worked for- we had heard all the stories from the girls about “grandpa Mark Sr.” and how he had a dozen collector cars, a lake house, boats and how wonderful he was. Blah blah blah PUKE. He told Norm that Mark and Sybil were finished and how she was attempting to get a restraining order on Mark based completely on lies. He wanted to meet with us to possibly provide information on Sybil that could help us get the girls. Norm informed him that we probably weren’t interested, we had gotten past the defeat, we let it go and had come to terms with the fact that the girls’ fate was no longer in our hands and probably too far gone anyway. Mark and Mark Sr.’s financial and emotional support was a large part of the reason we lost previously so were a bit bitter to say the least. We had a feeling they wanted something from us too but we couldn’t imagine what.
Norm and I chewed on it for about a week. We thought about how much school the girls were missing, how little he had them- roughly 72 hours a month when he was supposed to have almost half placement, how “this time” she wouldn’t have the Mark Empire behind her and she would be at battle with them and us at the same time. It felt like for the first time…the stars were starting to align and they were certainly in our favor. We called Mark Sr. back and agreed to meet with them with more than a little apprehension.
Our delight with the trouble in paradise faded slowly when we discovered that Sybil and Mark were ‘working it out’. He had moved out in the interim but they were going to therapy and ‘dating’ again. They had two children together so they were both fighting to keep the marriage together for the sake of the kids. Eventually he moved back in and they stuck it out for another year and half and as a result, we threw in the towel.
One beautiful Sunday morning in the Spring of last year we got a phone call- it was Mark's dad. A very wealthy man- the CEO of the company Mark worked for- we had heard all the stories from the girls about “grandpa Mark Sr.” and how he had a dozen collector cars, a lake house, boats and how wonderful he was. Blah blah blah PUKE. He told Norm that Mark and Sybil were finished and how she was attempting to get a restraining order on Mark based completely on lies. He wanted to meet with us to possibly provide information on Sybil that could help us get the girls. Norm informed him that we probably weren’t interested, we had gotten past the defeat, we let it go and had come to terms with the fact that the girls’ fate was no longer in our hands and probably too far gone anyway. Mark and Mark Sr.’s financial and emotional support was a large part of the reason we lost previously so were a bit bitter to say the least. We had a feeling they wanted something from us too but we couldn’t imagine what.
Norm and I chewed on it for about a week. We thought about how much school the girls were missing, how little he had them- roughly 72 hours a month when he was supposed to have almost half placement, how “this time” she wouldn’t have the Mark Empire behind her and she would be at battle with them and us at the same time. It felt like for the first time…the stars were starting to align and they were certainly in our favor. We called Mark Sr. back and agreed to meet with them with more than a little apprehension.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Letting Go
I spent a week out west for a conference which happened to be in the same city where my sister lives so I stayed with her to save the company a few bucks. I ended up staying over the weekend to hang out with her and we convinced my other sister to come out too and make it a girls weekend.
I shared with them my frustrations –which they are all too familiar with – but I shared (aka bitched) none the less about Sybil and Norm and MN and MS. Both my sisters are stepmoms, neither of their situation is even close to half as bad as mine honestly. They’re sympathetic. They’ve never spent a dime on an attorney much less stepped foot in a court room. They’ve had their share of bullsh!t though.
I brought up the conflict avoidance that Norm has and how I really somewhat feel like I’m getting completely intolerant of it. How he won’t stand up to her and it drives me nuts. They are both smart woman- older and wiser to some extent so I listened carefully to their advice. One piece of advice they gave, although I would LOVE to follow- I will not and that was to address the issues with her myself. She has already told Norm that she will no longer read my e-mails for whatever lame ass excuse she concocted. If I were to call her she would just hang up. Essentially, she is scared of me. She doesn’t like it that I state the facts- truly I keep them simple, straight forward and leave all emotion at the door. She is so delusional that she cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction so that’s part of the issue. I can simply e-mail her:
“Hello Sybil,
You had emailed us last week that you would drop of a check for $x on Wednesday and you did not. Please advise when you will be dropping it off. The court order states on page 2 paragraph 1 “ excess funds will be returned to the respondent immediately”. Please comply. Thank you.”
This to her is an attacking harassing e-mail and she will not stand for it any longer and thus will not even read my e-mails. Then she will boldly lie that her bank’s online banking was down on Tuesday so she couldn’t verify the funds were there to write a check and when she called the bank to verify it that the phones were down. Right.
So confronting her myself is really just pretty much out of the question I think.
The second piece of advice they gave was to let it go. She is not my problem, she is his. If he chooses not to deal with her behavior, the consequences will be his. Let go. Let go of the control and let go of the vested interest. The biggest issue with this is that the consequences will not just be his. Our finances are combined so when she does not comply, it affects our finances. I cannot and will not separate my finances to assist in the ‘letting go’ process. That’s ridiculous.
Next, to an extent, we need her to comply with other requests based on the court order etc. Vacations, Doctors appointments, modifications to the schedule need to be approved by her and all those things DIRECTLY impact me. When she does not respond to him in a timely manner she affects me and my son. How does one let go of something that directly impacts them just because it’s (to a certain extent) out of their control???
My mathematical answer to that is to try to remove the part of the equation that is causing a negative impact. To remove Sybil is to remove the girls, a piece of the equation we fought much too hard and much too long to acquire-which leads me back to the beginning. I can feel the insanity starting to creep in, the absence of rational thought. Sybil is contagious and the cure is years away.
I shared with them my frustrations –which they are all too familiar with – but I shared (aka bitched) none the less about Sybil and Norm and MN and MS. Both my sisters are stepmoms, neither of their situation is even close to half as bad as mine honestly. They’re sympathetic. They’ve never spent a dime on an attorney much less stepped foot in a court room. They’ve had their share of bullsh!t though.
I brought up the conflict avoidance that Norm has and how I really somewhat feel like I’m getting completely intolerant of it. How he won’t stand up to her and it drives me nuts. They are both smart woman- older and wiser to some extent so I listened carefully to their advice. One piece of advice they gave, although I would LOVE to follow- I will not and that was to address the issues with her myself. She has already told Norm that she will no longer read my e-mails for whatever lame ass excuse she concocted. If I were to call her she would just hang up. Essentially, she is scared of me. She doesn’t like it that I state the facts- truly I keep them simple, straight forward and leave all emotion at the door. She is so delusional that she cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction so that’s part of the issue. I can simply e-mail her:
“Hello Sybil,
You had emailed us last week that you would drop of a check for $x on Wednesday and you did not. Please advise when you will be dropping it off. The court order states on page 2 paragraph 1 “ excess funds will be returned to the respondent immediately”. Please comply. Thank you.”
This to her is an attacking harassing e-mail and she will not stand for it any longer and thus will not even read my e-mails. Then she will boldly lie that her bank’s online banking was down on Tuesday so she couldn’t verify the funds were there to write a check and when she called the bank to verify it that the phones were down. Right.
So confronting her myself is really just pretty much out of the question I think.
The second piece of advice they gave was to let it go. She is not my problem, she is his. If he chooses not to deal with her behavior, the consequences will be his. Let go. Let go of the control and let go of the vested interest. The biggest issue with this is that the consequences will not just be his. Our finances are combined so when she does not comply, it affects our finances. I cannot and will not separate my finances to assist in the ‘letting go’ process. That’s ridiculous.
Next, to an extent, we need her to comply with other requests based on the court order etc. Vacations, Doctors appointments, modifications to the schedule need to be approved by her and all those things DIRECTLY impact me. When she does not respond to him in a timely manner she affects me and my son. How does one let go of something that directly impacts them just because it’s (to a certain extent) out of their control???
My mathematical answer to that is to try to remove the part of the equation that is causing a negative impact. To remove Sybil is to remove the girls, a piece of the equation we fought much too hard and much too long to acquire-which leads me back to the beginning. I can feel the insanity starting to creep in, the absence of rational thought. Sybil is contagious and the cure is years away.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Conflict Avoidance
Probably the single most frustrating aspect of my marriage.
Norm is a good man, descent and kind. He’s a great parent, fun, smart, funny, loving, supportive, encouraging, just, fair, stern when needed…you name it. He’s a busy busy guy though. He tends to bite off more than he can chew- so other aspects of his life pay the price. You could say his life lacks a bit of balance. His biggest flaw by far is that he has serious conflict avoidance issues. Mainly and ESPECIALLY when it comes to Sybil. It all started back when they were married.
Here’s a scenario: Sybil fears germs which causes her to scrub the house from top to bottom morning and night. It starts to affect their relationship so Norm says- please Sybil stop. Germs are not that bad. They are not something to be feared. Sybil proceeds to pull out every piece of evidence to prove to Norm how bad germs are. Norm contradicts the evidence with his own. Sybil states his evidence is wrong, hers is right and they argue. Sybil will not back down ever and then proceeds to purchase a $5000 vacuum that sucks up every piece of dust in the house when they are living on a small single income (because Sybil can’t work because she needs to sanitize the house all day.) Norm throws his hands up. This is one of fifty million examples of what occurred in their marriage
Fast forward to 2001 and instead of the argument being about germs it’s about home-schooling MS because her teacher was (supposedly) mean to her, called her names, hit her and pushed her down a flight of stairs. There were of course no witnesses and the teacher has no complaints against her...AT ALL. All the other kids lover her. The investigator found no grounds for charges and it was dropped by child protective services for ‘no basis.’ MS was diagnosed with separation anxiety (with her mother) and was throwing 16 fits when mom would try to take her to school. 40 some days absent later (seriously- I can’t make this shit up) and Sybil gets the bright idea to home-school without even consulting Norm. Sybil barely graduated high school and has ZERO follow through with just about everything. Norm finds out about the home-schooling and he basically just shakes his head and tells Sybil he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I nudged and said “are you kidding- you’re just going to allow her to do this!” His response “She’s irrational, I can’t argue with her, it won’t get me anywhere.”
I dug out his divorce decree – pointed to where it said “Joint Custody”- pulled out the definition of joint custody in the state statues where it has the section that pertains to school and decision making and said “She is breaking the law. You need to stop this.” He still did nothing- never called her out on her behavior, never told her she was out of line, nothing. At least not for another few years when MS was tested and tested 2 full years behind in school and Sybil was home schooling MN as well because “it’s only fair.” Can’t let MS stay home and play all day and make MN go to school, right? Actually she came up with some bullshit diagnosis on her own- MS had post traumatic stress disorder and MN was associating herself with MS’s condition….uhhhh yeah right whatever.
Fast forward again to today. Sybil proceeds to bash me in an e-mail, lie BOLDFACE about something so easy to verify it’s madness (which we did and we confirm she lied) and blame Norm for not communicating when she’s the one who’s dropping the ball. Norm’s response to her is basically “thank you for doing A, I’ll take care of B, let me know about C and I’ll let you know about D.” NOTHING about calling her out on her behavior and obvious LIES, nothing about ‘Stepmonster is not …, you must be confused.’ No defending himself, nothing. NOTHING
It deeply saddens me and confuses me about this man I love so much………who clearly needs a new set. (He already knows how I feel about this to the fullest extent and refuses to take anything I suggest into consideration which infuriates me even further.)
Norm is a good man, descent and kind. He’s a great parent, fun, smart, funny, loving, supportive, encouraging, just, fair, stern when needed…you name it. He’s a busy busy guy though. He tends to bite off more than he can chew- so other aspects of his life pay the price. You could say his life lacks a bit of balance. His biggest flaw by far is that he has serious conflict avoidance issues. Mainly and ESPECIALLY when it comes to Sybil. It all started back when they were married.
Here’s a scenario: Sybil fears germs which causes her to scrub the house from top to bottom morning and night. It starts to affect their relationship so Norm says- please Sybil stop. Germs are not that bad. They are not something to be feared. Sybil proceeds to pull out every piece of evidence to prove to Norm how bad germs are. Norm contradicts the evidence with his own. Sybil states his evidence is wrong, hers is right and they argue. Sybil will not back down ever and then proceeds to purchase a $5000 vacuum that sucks up every piece of dust in the house when they are living on a small single income (because Sybil can’t work because she needs to sanitize the house all day.) Norm throws his hands up. This is one of fifty million examples of what occurred in their marriage
Fast forward to 2001 and instead of the argument being about germs it’s about home-schooling MS because her teacher was (supposedly) mean to her, called her names, hit her and pushed her down a flight of stairs. There were of course no witnesses and the teacher has no complaints against her...AT ALL. All the other kids lover her. The investigator found no grounds for charges and it was dropped by child protective services for ‘no basis.’ MS was diagnosed with separation anxiety (with her mother) and was throwing 16 fits when mom would try to take her to school. 40 some days absent later (seriously- I can’t make this shit up) and Sybil gets the bright idea to home-school without even consulting Norm. Sybil barely graduated high school and has ZERO follow through with just about everything. Norm finds out about the home-schooling and he basically just shakes his head and tells Sybil he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I nudged and said “are you kidding- you’re just going to allow her to do this!” His response “She’s irrational, I can’t argue with her, it won’t get me anywhere.”
I dug out his divorce decree – pointed to where it said “Joint Custody”- pulled out the definition of joint custody in the state statues where it has the section that pertains to school and decision making and said “She is breaking the law. You need to stop this.” He still did nothing- never called her out on her behavior, never told her she was out of line, nothing. At least not for another few years when MS was tested and tested 2 full years behind in school and Sybil was home schooling MN as well because “it’s only fair.” Can’t let MS stay home and play all day and make MN go to school, right? Actually she came up with some bullshit diagnosis on her own- MS had post traumatic stress disorder and MN was associating herself with MS’s condition….uhhhh yeah right whatever.
Fast forward again to today. Sybil proceeds to bash me in an e-mail, lie BOLDFACE about something so easy to verify it’s madness (which we did and we confirm she lied) and blame Norm for not communicating when she’s the one who’s dropping the ball. Norm’s response to her is basically “thank you for doing A, I’ll take care of B, let me know about C and I’ll let you know about D.” NOTHING about calling her out on her behavior and obvious LIES, nothing about ‘Stepmonster is not …, you must be confused.’ No defending himself, nothing. NOTHING
It deeply saddens me and confuses me about this man I love so much………who clearly needs a new set. (He already knows how I feel about this to the fullest extent and refuses to take anything I suggest into consideration which infuriates me even further.)
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