Saturday, January 23, 2010

Conflict avoidance rearing its ugly head again

I hate complaining about my Normy I really do- but I just can’t help it. The situation as of late has escalated to the point where I’m just angry.

I’m a fighter by nature, I fight for what is mine, I fight for those who can’t fight for themselves, I fight for what’s right and good and I fight for justice even when in reality it’s just a myth. This is one quality Norm doesn’t really appreciate about me- most likely because he’s a rather passive man. When things get out of whack with Sybil and the girls I prefer to fight to sustain order and he prefers to ‘let it slide’ until eventually it gets totally out of control. Let me add that his motive for letting things slide are partially driven by fear of MN & MS's reaction and Sybil and her agent’s.

That order has been deteriorating slowly but surely over the course of the last 6 months. For example: Sybil is back to her old tricks of dragging the girls to the Dr for every sniffle in addition to subjecting them to needless medical tests (Sybil has Munchhausen by Proxy tendencies in addition to some hypochondria stuff going on.) The girls both have missed a TON of school this semester- granted some of it is excused (flu related) but the majority is again related to their random stuffy noses and lack of desire to attend class. This was a MAJOR issue in both custody battles as the girls were missing on average 30-60 days of school per year, but I digress. This in turn has caused both of them to receive F’s on their report cards as of late. Add the major bullshit to the minor bullshit and you get a nice sized shit storm. Neither of them have done their chores in MONTHS, MS uses my old car which mysteriously obtained “dukes of hazard slide” type scratch marks on the hood and refuses to even attempt to look for a job to help contribute to insurance and gas.

As of today- Norm has not shared his concern with Sybil about the unnecessary medical stuff, barely mentions the issues with absences and responsibilities, nor did the girls receive any repercussions for their grades. The truancy issue is spelled out clearly in the last court order that if either girls are absent without a written medical excuse from school for a total of 5 days or more they are to be with Norm every school night starting at 8 p.m. and their school district changes to our district (right now they are in Sybil’s district of choice- she doesn't even live in that district anymore but plans to move back).

Only after my massive prompting and pulling out the court order did Norm take the initiative to look up their attendance records online- which shows that MN was absent more than 20 times this 1st semester and MS was absent about the same and almost every day they were absent was during Sybil’s placement times. Now, I’m sure some of it is legitimate but seriously??? Norm is very hesitant to push the issue because Sybil, her parents and the girls will become completely irrational and neurotic. I say bring it on.

The whole purpose of us going back to court was to get the truancy issue under control. They were pretty good about following it last year but old habits die hard. Now that we have this court order clearly spelling out the truancy stuff- Norm won’t push the issue??? I am getting so very very tired of this shit. It was my money too that helped finance this battle – this “investment” in the girls, their future and well being. Without Norm to enforce the rules- I believe this may have been just another bad investment that is providing no return.


  1. Yikes! I know how you feel. Without us standing behind our men with a cattle prod, I sometimes wonder where things would be today. Instead of just not having much of a relationship with the kids the past few years, since I disengaged and stopped making him stand up to his ex, I guess it just would've happened a lot sooner. He says he did it for the kids and I understand that to a point (because their mother made their life hell as long as we had a good relationship with them) but when it comes to health and education, no way should a parent back down in my opinion. They may not be my kids biologically but I invested a lot of myself financially and emotionally into the kids these past 14 years and it sucks that it didn't really mean anything.

  2. I'm sorry :( I know how that felt! What I realized, is that I could never fully enforce anything without their father showing massive involvement/support for it. The last 6 months of my marriage was definitely simplified by the lack of fighting over his eldest son's school work.It was tough to say, well, he's not my kid. *shrug* But once I did it let me step back and release control of something that was never mine anyways...Best of luck :}