Diary of a Step Monster

The Sybil Saga continued and other musings

2010-11-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

Let's see - the last time I posted it was in January of this year- wow, time flies when you're having fun eh? Just when you think things can't get worse, inevitable they do. In February things with the girls' attendance had escalated to the point where the trigger in the order needed to be enforced which included placement changing whereby they would be with us during all school nights. So we notified everyone and sat the girls down to discuss the situation. Lots of tears and anger later the next day they go off to school. A few days later of denied visitation and MS and MN file a restraining order against Norm based 100% on fabricated lies. After one hearing the Judge told the girls, Sybil and their attorney that he saw absolutely no basis and if they didn't withdraw the filing he would throw it out completely. So they withdrew to spare themselves the embarrassment.

This in turn prompted the court appointed GAL to file a counter motion against Sybil because she believed Sybil and her parents were 100% behind the ridiculous RO filings and that the parental alienation was running rampant. Her motion consisted of basically writing off MS and placing MN solely with us with no contact with Sybil and all her family to include MS who is now determined to be one of the ring leaders of this fiasco. The court transferred the case to the Juvenile court because a Child Protection motion was also filed in conjunction. That ended up going nowhere ultimately because the judicial system totally sucks and they felt it belonged in family court so we were essentially then back to square one.

The girls were (and still are) refusing to come, the GAL's license was put on probation for some weird bankruptcy error made back in 2006 so the case has essentially been put on hold until now since it is now reinstated and she's in good standing. I suspect that trial will not occur until probably January if at all. At this point we have completely lost any hope for MS and pray there is still hope for MN. I guess only time will tell.

Conflict avoidance rearing its ugly head again

2010-01-23T14:07:00.000-08:00

I hate complaining about my Normy I really do- but I just can’t help it. The situation as of late has escalated to the point where I’m just angry.

I’m a fighter by nature, I fight for what is mine, I fight for those who can’t fight for themselves, I fight for what’s right and good and I fight for justice even when in reality it’s just a myth. This is one quality Norm doesn’t really appreciate about me- most likely because he’s a rather passive man. When things get out of whack with Sybil and the girls I prefer to fight to sustain order and he prefers to ‘let it slide’ until eventually it gets totally out of control. Let me add that his motive for letting things slide are partially driven by fear of MN & MS's reaction and Sybil and her agent’s.

That order has been deteriorating slowly but surely over the course of the last 6 months. For example: Sybil is back to her old tricks of dragging the girls to the Dr for every sniffle in addition to subjecting them to needless medical tests (Sybil has Munchhausen by Proxy tendencies in addition to some hypochondria stuff going on.) The girls both have missed a TON of school this semester- granted some of it is excused (flu related) but the majority is again related to their random stuffy noses and lack of desire to attend class. This was a MAJOR issue in both custody battles as the girls were missing on average 30-60 days of school per year, but I digress. This in turn has caused both of them to receive F’s on their report cards as of late. Add the major bullshit to the minor bullshit and you get a nice sized shit storm. Neither of them have done their chores in MONTHS, MS uses my old car which mysteriously obtained “dukes of hazard slide” type scratch marks on the hood and refuses to even attempt to look for a job to help contribute to insurance and gas.

As of today- Norm has not shared his concern with Sybil about the unnecessary medical stuff, barely mentions the issues with absences and responsibilities, nor did the girls receive any repercussions for their grades. The truancy issue is spelled out clearly in the last court order that if either girls are absent without a written medical excuse from school for a total of 5 days or more they are to be with Norm every school night starting at 8 p.m. and their school district changes to our district (right now they are in Sybil’s district of choice- she doesn't even live in that district anymore but plans to move back).

Only after my massive prompting and pulling out the court order did Norm take the initiative to look up their attendance records online- which shows that MN was absent more than 20 times this 1st semester and MS was absent about the same and almost every day they were absent was during Sybil’s placement times. Now, I’m sure some of it is legitimate but seriously??? Norm is very hesitant to push the issue because Sybil, her parents and the girls will become completely irrational and neurotic. I say bring it on.

The whole purpose of us going back to court was to get the truancy issue under control. They were pretty good about following it last year but old habits die hard. Now that we have this court order clearly spelling out the truancy stuff- Norm won’t push the issue??? I am getting so very very tired of this shit. It was my money too that helped finance this battle – this “investment” in the girls, their future and well being. Without Norm to enforce the rules- I believe this may have been just another bad investment that is providing no return.

Stupid is as stupid does...

2009-11-13T13:31:00.000-08:00

So all was relatively quiet until about a month ago when MS decided to run away FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHATSOEVER. Well, actually she told the police officer that she ran away because she never wanted to come back to her dad’s house since we are mean abusive tyrants. When he told her- that’s too bad- you have to go, she decided to threaten to ‘off’ herself if she was forced. So we all called her bluff on it and had her admitted. She didn’t like that very much seeing as they wouldn’t allow her boyfriend or her psycho grandparents to visit or text. She fessed up a few days later that she didn’t really mean it and that she was talking stupid. Big surprise there.

So, as we are getting our lives dissected by child protective services, she went home to Sybil’s compound where she is not reprimanded, scolded and none of her privileges are removed… AWESOME. Fast forward to the last week or so and we learn that Sybil decided to file bankruptcy and we ended up getting slapped with a judgment for medical bills on the girls we knew nothing about. How fun.
She’s due with her 5th child anytime and she is still living in her parent’s basement while engaged to the father of the baby who can’t seem to sell his tiny 2 bedroom lake house to buy her that big fancy 4 bedroom one. Rumor has it he’s having second thoughts. Lord help him if he marries her…oh what am I saying… he’s already hosed since she’s got a bun in the oven.

On the upside, Sybil’s brother (a firefighter) was arrested recently for tainting his wife’s tea with his anti-depressants (what an idiot.) She’s a detective and noticed after she gave her 4 year old a drink that he spit some out and had white residue around his mouth. They had been arguing about his excessive spending and he admitted to putting half a lexipro in her tea to calm her down. (Mom and child are fine BTW) So the family is probably a little embarrassed and defensive. (Crunch Crunch Crunch- this popcorn is good! On with the show!)

Did Hell freeze over? Sybil apologized?

2009-07-02T06:38:00.001-07:00

Tueday we get an email from Sybil:

“Norm,
What time will you be dropping Mini-Sybil and Mini-Norm off on July 4th?
Sybil”

Not exactly sure why she even poses the questions since we made sure every exchange is laid out in detail and signed by God himself but hey- we’ll bite! And we’ll even be ‘cooperative’ and accommodating.

“Sybil,
I believe the order states 10 a.m.- did you need them at a different time? I presume you will be dropping them off then on Sunday at the same time then.
Norm”

Her response- out of left field AND in a different hemisphere!

“Norm,
Actually the order states 9:00 a.m. You made a big deal about me "changing" the time to 9:00 from 10:00 last holiday instead of asking for a change, which wasn't accurate. All of the holiday schedule days are ordered for a 9:00 a.m. exchange time, except for Christmas and New Years, unless we mutually agreed to a change. We've agreed to each holiday exchange time through an email and made arrangements according to each of our plans. Since the 4th of July might be a later night with fireworks, I thought that 10:00 would work out better for Mini-Sybil and Mini-Norm so they could sleep in. The next day exchange would be the same time that they were dropped off. Does 10:00 a.m. work for you or should we do the exchange at 9:00 a.m.?
Sybil”

Neither Norm nor I have any freaking idea what she is referring to. There have been about a million unfounded arguments but none of them played out as she has stated above. Clearly the dilutions are getting worse …poor thing.

"Sybil,
Every single holiday is 10 a.m. so I don't know what you're talking about. See the attachment which is a scanned copy of the amendment from the order that was attached when we signed it on Feb 19th, 2008. You may want to get a copy from the court house if you don't have it or recall seeing this or contact your attorney. I'll be dropping them off at 10. and will expect them at 10 a.m. on Sunday.
Norm"

Here’s the attachment- with obvious modifications to protect the innocent and not so innocent…plain as day…10 a.m.

"Norm,
I have the holiday schedule posted inside my cabinet door, but I have to apologize because it is the holiday schedule for my kids with Mark. The GAL assured me that they would be exactly the same, so I went off just one. After reviewing Mini-Sybil and Mini-Norm's it appears to be different (10:00 a.m. instead of 9:00 a.m.). I will expect them at 10:00 a.m. on Saturday and will drop them off at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday.
Sybil"

That last email is getting framed.

Sybil Saga as of Today

2009-06-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

So, after the child support hearing, things settled down a bit from a legal standpoint although Sybil was still wreaking havoc consistently everywhere else. Her inappropriate behavior somehow making its way into our home through the girls is, to say the least…a bit unsettling. Throughout her and Marks divorce proceedings we became advocates for Mark and as a result became very good friends with him and his family. We were of course accused of intentionally ganging up on her because we filed around the same time she and Mark were going through their divorce. It truly was a cooincidence even though Mark’s family somewhat encouraged us to go for it. Mark and Sybil had two children – one boy and one girl. The boy is a couple years younger than NM and they’ve become great friends. We don’t expose MN and MS to their former step father and we don’t really talk about him because they’re obviously going to have loyalty to their mother and we respect that.

It was discovered that Sybil was having an affair with another man while she was married to Mark, we’ll call him B3 (a/k/a Back Burner Boy.) This guy was a player she met at a local music festival. Somewhat of a bad-boy who was into extreme sports and lived primarily in Colorado so that he could live near the slopes for snow boarding. They were totally in LOVE of course and the kids adored him. His biggest faults were that he didn’t live close and he wasn’t independantly wealthy. MS had access to his Myspace page that had very inappropriate pictures of Sybil dressed provocatively as a school girl, in a bubble bath with him, licking him and in a teddy. It also contained inappropriate messages from her mother to him telling him to “see what’s in her box” on his birthday. So needless to say we were not impressed. I actually shot him and email because we discovered that he and Sybil were ‘getting it on’ late one night when they were all trashed in Sybil’s parents studio basement apartment she was living in with all the kids there. MS was on the computer while this was going on and complaining to one of her friends about her mom’s behavior. Unbeknownst to me – we found out later that the guy she was ‘getting it on’ with wasn’t B3 –it was ANOTHER GUY (we’ll call him Hobbs). OOOPS! My bad. So B3 responded like a month later claiming Sybil was the greatest woman on earth and the best mother despite her indescretions etc. etc. and that we should stop attacking her. PUKE! I responded with a nice lengthy email that he had no clue what the f*ck he was talking about and that I wished him and Sybil the best.

Throughout the last year she has been stringing B3 along from afar while dating Hobbs here and the kids all know it. Her and Hobbs get into a little spat and she flys off to Colorado to be with B3 for the weekend. A little birdie told us a few months back that Hobbs was fueding with Sybil because she was pressuring him too much to get married. Low and behold B3 is in town and staying at her place in her parent’s basement during this time. B3 goes back to Colorado and Hobbs is back in the picture and they’re looking for a house together. It’s absolutely insane that neither of these guys know about each other but it’s not our problem right? Just wish it wasn’t affecting the kids so much though you know?

Well, all has been quiet for the last few months and it seems that her and Hobbs are engaged and buying a house. Well- Hobbs is buying the house FOR Sybil that is. Hopefully she will stick with this guys and there will be a little more consistancy in the girls’s lives now. This morning I get an email from B3- “I’m really interested in talking to you- I’m tired of Sybils BS- she totally played me” I responded “Seriously? Why on earth would I trust you and I’m not interested in whatever your agenda is.” I have enough drama in my life- I so don’t need this. I suppose I brought this on myself because I opened up the original line of communication but …GOOD GRIEF! Apparently B3 proposed to her back in February - she said yes and now won't take his calls. All the while sporting a ring from Hobbs and planning their new life together. She's such a ROCK STAR!

I should just get 'SUCKER' tatooed on my forehead :-(

2009-06-15T18:39:00.000-07:00

But have I learned a lesson from it? ABSOLUTELY. I will NEVER AGAIN just hand cash over to MN and MS with the task to go pick out some decent and affordable summer clothes.

Over the course of the past year of FINALLY having the girls shared placement we have dedicated a healthy amount of time toward teaching them the much needed skill of spending wisely and being very cost conscious. Sybil marries men for money and when she milks them dry she leaves them for someone that has more. It's a simple fact at this point so I won't beat around the bush. The girls have learned from watching her over the years and know nothing of financial limitations, budgets or restrictions. It's amazing how fast they can burn through cash. I recall the first time I took them seriously shopping. They would bring me something and say "can I get this?" and I would respond "How much is it?" And they had no idea and didn't think it mattered or was important. Since then we give them guidelines - $15-$20 for a pair of jeans is reasonable, $50 is not (unless they shrink your thighs, turn your ass into a 'happen'en onion' and make you look 2 sizes smaller - then price is no object but they don't need to know that.) ALWAYS ALWAYS go to the clearance rack first and work your way out of the store. T.J. Maxx., Marshall's, Ross etc. are your friends and Abercrombie is only for when you have a gift card. We don't have a budget for full price brand names so neither do they.

As I stated, over the past year they were getting a lot better. Making the right decisions....UNTIL.....I trusted them with $300 in cash ($150 a piece) to get summer clothes last weekend. We were crazy busy and I didn't have time to take them. I told them "Here you go, be wise, and make it stretch."

They mentioned a few things they got when we crossed paths the next day. "Oh I got some skirts (MS is in a short flirty skirt streak) and MN got some jeans." I was like "What?" she giggles and I figured I must have misunderstood. The next morning they're getting ready for school and sure shit MN has new frayed/worn look ABERCROMBIE jeans on that she rolled up mid calf. I was like- "Those your new jeans?" She's like "yeah you like em?" I said- "That's not summer clothes- how much do you have left?"...she responds "I dunno." as they scurry out the door.

I AM FREAKING TICKED. So I dart up to their bedroom, all the bags sitting there empty- not a price tag or receipt to be found. They are back to square one with me now. I need to babysit their every freaking purchase now. What a huge disappointment.
GRRRRRR…….NEVER AGAIN.

3 Freaks, 2 cars, 1 stepdaughter...Priceless

2009-05-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

In an email back in late January after being asked if she was willing to go in on a car for MS, Sybil stated that she could not afford to. Then when being asked if her parents (psychotic- overindulging freaks) were giving or buying MS a car she said ‘No’. MS may be able to drive one of theirs for after school stuff but that’s it.

So, we proceeded to search for a reasonable and dependable vehicle for MS, found one, bought it and told her that it was our car but she would be using it to get back and forth from school etc. while she was with us. Since it was in our name, we couldn’t very well let her use it when she wasn’t under our supervision (Sybil lets her do just about anything she wants.) So we decided we just can’t expose ourselves to that type of liability issue.

So Sybil’s psycho parents have given her a car to use all the time-even while she’s with us. Interesting how we are informed of this AFTER we have already purchased a vehicle for her to drive. So YAY for MS- now she is one of the rare and elite teenagers who have two vehicles at her disposal. Ugh. Now comes the issue with insurance. We insure her on our end for the jaw dropping –eye popping astounding amount of $1100 per year (why do I feel like I have just been violated?) And so I presume that they (Sybil and her agents) will be doing the same??? Hmmmm. Seems pretty silly huh? I’m checking with our agent to find out if there is a ‘partial placement’ discount. I’m guessing NOT.

Is it wrong of me to think the Sybil and her parents did this intentionally? Yes…there really ARE dumb questions.

Sybil’s maddening entitlement issues

2009-05-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

As a stay at home ‘mom’ –and I use that term very loosely with this woman…one would think Sybil would be a little more appreciative of the fact that Norm has such great health benefits. Now- there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that Sybil needs to stay at home anymore since all her children are in school but that's a whole nother issue. There has been a constant battle since the beginning of Norm and Sybil’s split about uninsured medical expenses- co pays and the excess in which the insurance company doesn’t cover. Which, btw is typically minimal unless of course you’re a serious hypochondriac with Munchausen by proxy tendencies (Sybil to a T). Sybil tends to drag MS and MN to the doctor for every little cough or sniffle…demanding they run tests and take x-rays etc. It has frustrated us beyond reality that we’ve had to pay for half of medical expenses almost solely due to her extreme behavior.

Lately (over the past year or so) to add insult to injury, she has actually complained about the “fact” that she has to pay for half of OUR family deductible. I am quite certain her anti-Christ-like parents have planted this load of crap seed in her puny brain because everyone knows she’s not smart enough to have come up with this on her own. The irony about the situation is this – out of the 5 individuals of OUR family that the deductible covers- MS and MN go to the doctor the most. Me, Norm and Normonster are rarely sick much less go to the Dr. It only makes sense that she’s going to be paying for half of the deductible since she drags them to the Dr all the time.

Looking at the big picture- she should be so grateful that Norm’s insurance coverage is still so good. She should feel pretty f-ing lucky he has a job at all in this economy to support her lazy ass. Instead she has to bitch and wine that she’s getting the short end of the stick. This is just ONE little teeny tiny example of how she feels entitled and like the world and especially MY HUSBAND owes her.

I want to be JUST LIKE HER when I grow up. ((((shudder))))

MS's 'surprise' Sweet 16 party

2009-04-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

So the horrible, neglectful and selfish Norm and I took a vacation to Mexico over Spring Break. We haven't taken a vaca together just the two of us for over 3 years and since prices were right we jumped on it. MS's 16th birthday happen to fall on Easter Sunday and so we missed it...BUT we took her and her sister and friend to a hotel and they got to swim and celebrated with family etc. Oh yeah and we bought her a car.. nothing much.

We got back and before we got the girls we had already heard about MS's sweet 16 party. Sybil and her psycho parents rented a hall, had her invite 75 of her closest friends, invited every relative they could think of and had a FORMAL party for her. When I mean formal, it was Formal dress required. We know Sybil's aunt and she told us she was mortified when she showed up in a nice pantsuit to be extremely underdressed. A cousin of theirs we know refused to go because she was not renting a tux for her husband and buying a new formal gown for her second cousins birthday party.

Come to find out MS...who is a sophomore...didn't get asked to Prom (which is a Junior Prom BTW) so her extremely loving and supportive mother came in to save the day by giving her ...her own prom. This is the same woman that can't afford to pay her bills , nor reimburse us for bills we've paid and is filing bankruptcy and her dad lost his job a while back. I can't wait to see what they'll do for her if she doesn't go to her Junior Prom...although then again, She'll BE a Junior so she'll just go with friends.

Man, I sound bitter. Hmpf..oh well.

Mini-Sybil and the act of Sexting

2009-03-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

We received a call last Sunday from the father of a boy who was apparently Sexting with MS. Many of the ‘messages’ involved pictures. (Blech- I reviewed them this morning.) I honestly can’t say I’m surprised in the least. Despite our constant monitoring of her online activity, her cell phone has been a bit more challenging since she deletes all incoming and outgoing messages as soon as possible. Sybil’s parents are the cell phone providers so we can’t destroy them or cancel them and once she leaves our home it is immediately given back to her despite her behavior (I am certain the most recent behavior will have no impact on this ritual either.)

Sadly, she is mimicking her mother’s behavior almost to the letter. Last Summer- through MS’s Myspace we discovered she had access to her mother’s boyfriend’s MySpace account (follow me there?). His account had a buffet of inappropriate content much of which involved her own mother. Since Sybil is absolutely worshiped by her daughters, especially MS, it was pretty much inevitable that she would follow in her footsteps with the grand desire to “be like Mom.” That, has now come to fruition.

The boy’s parents are none too happy with him, and want to meet so that he can apologize to us. MS will be mortified…as she should be. Should be an interesting weekend.

I’m going to go though up now.

Sybil Saga (part V)

2009-02-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

So, WWII actually consisted of a series of small battles- most which we won. First and foremost- and most critical was to ensure that the Custody Evaluator from WWI was reassigned to the case. This woman was pretty much on the fence the last time around put felt compelled to leave things in the hands of the therapists in hopes that they would keep the best interest of the girls in mind. Unfortunately, she was mistaken and the therapist had only themselves in mind. This time around…by golly she was going to make it right (and maybe save face a bit too) and make sure the girls were not left behind.

Victory number 2 was GAL (Guardian ad Litem) selection. Our attorney made a recommendation as to a very experienced GAL who would do it at a discount. Her atty made a recommendation as to someone that favored mothers…and the judge went with our recommendation. He ended up being very down to earth and relied a lot on the Custody Evaluator’s recommendation given her familiarity with the case. He was older and not overly impressed with Sybil and her antics unlike the green, pompous, jack ass we had the first time around who thought Sybil was mother of the year.

Battle number 3 was to get a temporary order in place. It had been years since we had had an increase in placement and it was long overdue. Sybil was adamant that the girls couldn’t handle an increase in their ‘fragile’ state and they would regress and it would do nothing but damage. Unfortunately due to the bullshit involved with legal antics and Sybil’s antics she was able to stall any temporary orders by “willingly” negotiating toward a settlement. During this timeframe, her attorney (and friend) withdrew and filed a judgment against her so she ended up representing herself.

The settlement was reached –of course on the morning of the first day of trial (a.k.a. at the very last possible moment so as not to allow us any additional time with the girls prior.) It basically came down to money for Sybil. The fact that she had no representation and had no money for a new attorney and that the Judge was not going to postpone trial any longer backed her into a corner and forced her hand. That was almost exactly a year ago today.

The stipulation consisted of incremental placement increases in a stepwise manner (that I basically wrote up) to be increase to shared placement within 3 months time. At that time, child support was to be adjusted according to the state guidelines. That- the GAL wrote up, was way too f-ing vague. At that time I think it was safe enough to put a set amount in place but hindsight is 20/20. 3 months later Sybil was less than cooperative to settle on the child support adjustment so it was off to court yet again. To add insult to injury, her and Mark’s divorce was well underway and she was raking him across the coals financially. She ended up getting a ton from him and still getting a ton from us when we had the girls half the time.

She could of course afford to hire an attorney again so she lawyered up to battle the child support issue (which was more important to her anyway.) The biggest argument was of course whether or not income could or should be imputed. Sybil had agreed to an imputed wage during her settlement with Mark so we felt it was safe to use it with our calculation- She and her atty of course didn’t think so. Add to it that she was getting alimony –which is considered income. She and her attorney argued that it could not. At the end of the day, we had an overly sympathetic judge to Sybil’s cause. She did retro the modification so we calculated what she owed us and she’s still in the process of paying us back and child support was cut in half. What amazed me about this last trial were some of the last words I heard Sybil speak. When asked why she had not gotten another job, she actually got on the stand and under oath stated as sadly as possible to the judge and to my attorney “I…sniff sniff, have no potential.” My jaw dropped as it registered in my brain and proved to me as to the lengths she would go and levels she would stoop, to be totally and completely financially supported by someone else. How could my husband ever have found this woman attractive? I will never know.

Sociopath or Seditious

2009-02-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

Mini-Sybil is my 15 year old step daughter. By far she is the most damaged and brainwashed by Sybil and her clan. They have fed her so much garbage that that’s all she knows in addition to her possibly having a chemical imbalance that has been addressed, she is very weak, insecure and doesn’t have the highest IQ. I’m not trying to be mean…I’m simply stating what I know. We knew going into this that she would be our biggest challenge because she has gone to the dark side, but so far it’s been ok.

The definition of OK in this situation is this: She is sweet and kind and respectful to your face. Acts very innocent and doesn’t push the envelope verbally or behaviorally when she’s with us. She goes online via facebook or myspace and the real MS shows up. It’s loaded with profanity, sexual context – sometimes highly sexual, and inappropriate comments.

Recently my car was vandalized to the tune of over $3K in damage. My only enemy is Sybil’s father-MS’s grandfather. He has harassed, threatened and intimidated me before. He was suspected of slashing our tires (3 different cars) in the same night after an argument with him. His wife called my work twice trying to get me fired. Suffice to say I am their #1 target. So when the police asked me who I suspected –I stated Sybil’s dad. We did not tell MS and kept her out of it because it’s none of her business. Sybil’s Dad on the other hand tells MS that we’re falsely accusing him and trying to get him in trouble. She gets angry at me and starts bashing me online calling me a F-ing B!tch. I find it, we lecture, she refuses to apologize and she is now grounded from the computer, her cell is taken away. She continues to act nice and sweet to my face and I am being immature and pretty much giving her the silent treatment.

In the past she has acted out like this. We were driving somewhere and she said sh!t instead of shoot. I called her on it. She denied it as though I didn’t hear it with my own ears. I argued with her and told her not to insult my intelligence. She proceeds to text her friend what a F-ing B I am and how she hates me and how she’s going to shoot me. She mistakenly sends the text to me. She gets busted and continues to treat me like I’m the greatest stepmom.

I know a little about sociopaths and she certainly has the make up for it – but is it really or is it just good old fashion teenage defiance….I used the think it was the latter…now I’m not so sure.

Constant Claiming

2009-01-30T13:55:00.000-08:00

No…not Constant Craving.. the lovely song by K.D. Lang about - I don’t craving something. I’m speaking of Sybil’s act of constantly claiming she’s either A.) going to get a job or B) going back to school to get her degree.

The claim that she is going to get a job is then followed by the excuse that her hours of availability to work are so limited because she has to run her children around all day to appointments and such. Now, mind you 90% of the ‘running around’ she insists that is required of her is self induced. One may ask how this is possible. I have an answer.

First, she has entitled her children in such a way that they insist on going to a school district that she no longer lives in. She has made little effort to move back into that school district and so they need to be driven to school on her days. The older ones (MS & MN) are dropped off at school in the morning at 7:15 for a 7:30 school time. Then the second set of children are dropped off at 8 and then 9 a.m. (these two are from Mark - her second husband.) Then, her children are picked up from their schools at 2:30, 3 p.m. and whenever the littlest one is finished with pre-school. She absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of changing school districts because “that’s not what they want.” And she refuses to look into before or after school care for the littler ones.

Granted- I will admit she’s in a predicament because of the economy now but she had ample opportunity over the past year to get a job, but she has not tried nor does she want to. This is the same woman that less than 8 months ago paid plenty of money to fight us tooth and nail for more child support than she legally deserved. She actually sat on the stand and stated on record “I have no potential” in the saddest little voice you’ve ever heard. Well, I beg to differ. There are still plenty of jobs out there that she is fully capable of doing but she is entirely too busy trying to secure her next victim who will financially take care of her. THAT is why she has no time to get a job.

The claim to go back to school…is a joke. The first time around she broke down because she couldn’t handle being so far away from her family and it was ‘too hard.’ The second time she was too busy making babies to make her grades. So what, the third time will be a charm? Hmmmm. Something tells me- it ain’t happn’en.

Sybil Saga (part (IV)

2009-01-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

As we pulled into the long uphill driveway (with a sign called Hotrod Hill) we were debating on if we should bring the 3 huge binders full of “documentation” we have gathered against Sybil in with us. We figured we might as well. It was a huge house- you couldn’t really tell as most of it was hidden but we knew from the bragging the girls had done throughout the relationship. It felt strange, being on enemy territory…expensive enemy territory and being painfully reminded of the reasons why we lost the first battle. Mark’s sister (Mandy) greeted us at the door with an enormous smile as she hugged me. I thought “oh shit- we’ve got huggers here” but it ended up being just her.

Looking back I can understand a bit why she hugged me. We had had the “coming to Jesus” conversation on the side after we had agreed to meet over the phone where I asked “why in the hell should we trust you and your family?” Pretty much in those exact words. She was understanding of our position and very humble. We e-mailed back and forth prior to the meeting a few times about miscellaneous stuff which also explained the hug- in the process discovering that we had a lot in common. We sat down at the huge dining room, pulled out our first monster binder and started hashing out some of the crap we had been dealing with and trying to get to the bottom of things. Many of our suspicions were confirmed: that she would intentionally dodge our calls (with the girls knowing), bad mouth Norm to them, ask leading and accusatory questions about us, essentially discourage them from going to school and enable the shit out of them. If fact we found out that Sybil had been paying MS to stay home from school and watch the other kids while she would go hang out with her new boyfriend. Made us a little ill to be honest but it wasn’t like we didn’t know what she was capable of but... We also learned that she was accusing Mark of some pretty wicked stuff to include physically abusing MS. None of which we believed an ounce of – we’d been the subject of too many of her allegations that it made it impossible to believe a thing anymore.

At the end of the meeting there were apologies and understandings. We had made the decision to file again but we were going to try it on our own first and pull our attorney in later if needed. I wrote up the motion and the affidavit. Had Norm sign it, I filed it and personally served her myself. Can’t deny I took a bit of pleasure in that. A week or two later she retained an attorney- a “friend” of hers that was a parent of one of MS’s friends. She contacted us to try to “mediate” and hopefully come to an agreement without having to go to court. We laughed and explained to her that there is no way Sybil will agree to anything more than what was currently in place and that she did not understand the concept of ‘compromise’ but we were willing to give it a shot nonetheless. We met with her, she drew up an agreement that her own client wouldn’t sign even after she had verbally agreed. She refused to admit her own client was being unreasonable and started flinging mud which is when we retained our former attorney...and then WWII started.

The 12 days of a Sybil filled Christmas

2008-12-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

On the 1st day or Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a hint that she’s either getting remarried to the latest victim or a job because she’ll have insurance coverage for the girls for the first time EVA!!!

On the 2nd day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a load of crap about Norm trying to ‘manipulate the court order’ - how does one do that anyway- it’s clear as a freaking bell?

On the 3rd day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a little peace and quiet…she backed off when Norm FINALLY defended himself and basically told her that the girls are ‘telling her what they think she wants to hear’ regardless if it’s true or not AND that he was going to be discussing this with the therapists because he’s tired of the manipulation from the girls. WOO HOO-GO NORM!

On the 4th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a request to take the girls on vacation to Disney over Christmas Break???? How very intersting seeing as:
a) She has NEVER taken the girls on a major vacation before
b) This comes less than 6 months after we took the girls to Disney for a week. Coincidence???
c) She has no money so her new boyfriend must be taking them- poor sucker!
d) She mentioned getting insurance and we doubt VERY highly she’s actually getting a job- could this be a wedding trip? We heard her boyfriend was bringing a friend…possibly a best man or witness??? Hmmmmmm.

On the 5th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a no show at the meeting with the girls therapists. What could be more important than discussing the mental health of her daughters? Ah, it was good she didn’t show- the therapists shared some really great feedback that the girls are adjusting very well in our home and that it would be a good time to implement some chores to help the girls feel more like the home is theirs too. Tee he he.

On the 6th day of Christmas thy Sybil gave to me- lack of accountability. THERE’S A BIG SURPRISE! So the CS order never got implemented. We’ve been trying to get this resolved for weeks and asked Sybil to look into it too seeing as it’s a total pain in her ass to go to the bank every other week (if we’re lucky) to get a cachiers check for the overage she’s receiving. Think she can lift a finger to look into this since she doesn’t work? No f’en way.

On the 7th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- cooperation in regard to the girls Christmas presents in that she would make sure no one else got them the same thing we did. Huh.

On the 8th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- the itinerary for their trip to Disney. Apparently they’re taking their cousin too- she’s a little demon…sound like a BLAST.

On the 9th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a rumor that she’s breaking up with the guy fronting the bill for the Disney trip- when they come back. It’s just a RUMOR…but right up her alley.

On the 10th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- a possible match made in heaven? Some background: during Custody Battle 2- Sybil hired a ‘friend/parent/acquantence’ who was an attorney to represent her. This woman also represented Sybil’s sister during her nasty, false accusation filled divorce. It ended up rather poorly for the attorney with both as Sybil’s sister never paid her and so she slapped a judgement on her. Then Sybil refused to pay her too and she slapped a judgement on Sybil as well. The atty screwed up on Sybils sisters appeal and the judge dismissed her judgement. This attorney is still after Sybil for a pretty penny AND she just filed another motion against Sybil for contempt…wonder what that’s about. I believe Sybil has finally met her match- her former ‘friend/parent/acquantence’ attorney wants to make her pay and has the time and legal expertise to do it. I look forward to watching this one shake out.

On the 11th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- ATTEMPTED INSURANCE FRAUD???? Found out she tried claiming some medical bills on her former husbands health insurance well after the divorce was finalized. It was very intentional- the treatment occurred months and months after the divorce. It was denied but there will be no punishment for her. She’ll get away with it no doubt- she always does.

And finally on the 12th day of Christmas, thy Sybil gave to me- one final lie before the New Year that puts her in contempt. She got the child support on the 9th of December and was supposed to reimburse us ‘immediately’- which to her means 2 weeks. Norm called her on December 23rd asking why he didn’t have it yet and she said she’d drop a check off later that day. Nothing. Then she left for Disney so we still have not gotten it. That’s 3 weeks she’s had Norm’s money, during Christmas- the most expesive time of the year and now she owes for the pmt she received in later December. Awesome.

I have to laugh

2008-11-28T12:22:00.000-08:00

So the nasty grams have been flying back and forth between Sybil and Norm (a.k.a. ME) and in an attempt to be more accommodating we asked her LAST MONTH if she wanted to switch the ‘school break’ drop off time from 5 to 5:30 (so on days when there isn’t school she drops them off at 5 p.m. instead of them coming home after school..) She typically calls around 5 to say she’s running late and drops them off at more like 5:20 so we offered to change it to 5:30 for her.

Now last week- a month later she’s pitches a fit because in the e-mail we made her sound like she’s running late all the time when “in fact she is NEVER late and she calls to change the time not to tell us she’s running late.” Hmmmm sounds like late to me. So we responded- never mind- we were just trying to be nice but you seemed to have missed that.

I shit you not – Wednesday she was supposed to drop the girls off at 5:00 and she dropped them off at 5:20 without even a phone call. We sat around waiting to go to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving dinner until they got there. I just have to laugh because if I don’t, I’ll go mad. She's so awesome.

Sybil Saga (part III)

2008-11-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

Prior to our discovery of Sybil and Mark’s trouble in paradise, Norm and Sybil attended court ordered co-parenting counseling which went absolutely nowhere since Sybil refused to take any responsibility for her "poor" decisions and less that appropriate behavior. The counselor pulled the plug when Sybil sent a nasty e-mail to her manager stating that the counselor was biased and stated that she did not have the girls best interests in mind when she was making her recommendations. There was no follow through on the rest of the court order which was designed to increase Norm’s placement with his girls since it hinged on Sybil and Norm's co-parent counselor making recommendations. The girls were barely attending school at all due to Sybil’s Munchausen by Proxy characteristics but the county was already heavily involved (with a thick blanket of wool pulled over their eyes) so our hands were pretty much tied. Essentially Norm and I felt there was nothing more we could do unless the county got some balls and threatened to take the girls from Sybil or she was institutionalized.

Our delight with the trouble in paradise faded slowly when we discovered that Sybil and Mark were ‘working it out’. He had moved out in the interim but they were going to therapy and ‘dating’ again. They had two children together so they were both fighting to keep the marriage together for the sake of the kids. Eventually he moved back in and they stuck it out for another year and half and as a result, we threw in the towel.

One beautiful Sunday morning in the Spring of last year we got a phone call- it was Mark's dad. A very wealthy man- the CEO of the company Mark worked for- we had heard all the stories from the girls about “grandpa Mark Sr.” and how he had a dozen collector cars, a lake house, boats and how wonderful he was. Blah blah blah PUKE. He told Norm that Mark and Sybil were finished and how she was attempting to get a restraining order on Mark based completely on lies. He wanted to meet with us to possibly provide information on Sybil that could help us get the girls. Norm informed him that we probably weren’t interested, we had gotten past the defeat, we let it go and had come to terms with the fact that the girls’ fate was no longer in our hands and probably too far gone anyway. Mark and Mark Sr.’s financial and emotional support was a large part of the reason we lost previously so were a bit bitter to say the least. We had a feeling they wanted something from us too but we couldn’t imagine what.

Norm and I chewed on it for about a week. We thought about how much school the girls were missing, how little he had them- roughly 72 hours a month when he was supposed to have almost half placement, how “this time” she wouldn’t have the Mark Empire behind her and she would be at battle with them and us at the same time. It felt like for the first time…the stars were starting to align and they were certainly in our favor. We called Mark Sr. back and agreed to meet with them with more than a little apprehension.

Letting Go

2008-11-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

I spent a week out west for a conference which happened to be in the same city where my sister lives so I stayed with her to save the company a few bucks. I ended up staying over the weekend to hang out with her and we convinced my other sister to come out too and make it a girls weekend.

I shared with them my frustrations –which they are all too familiar with – but I shared (aka bitched) none the less about Sybil and Norm and MN and MS. Both my sisters are stepmoms, neither of their situation is even close to half as bad as mine honestly. They’re sympathetic. They’ve never spent a dime on an attorney much less stepped foot in a court room. They’ve had their share of bullsh!t though.

I brought up the conflict avoidance that Norm has and how I really somewhat feel like I’m getting completely intolerant of it. How he won’t stand up to her and it drives me nuts. They are both smart woman- older and wiser to some extent so I listened carefully to their advice. One piece of advice they gave, although I would LOVE to follow- I will not and that was to address the issues with her myself. She has already told Norm that she will no longer read my e-mails for whatever lame ass excuse she concocted. If I were to call her she would just hang up. Essentially, she is scared of me. She doesn’t like it that I state the facts- truly I keep them simple, straight forward and leave all emotion at the door. She is so delusional that she cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction so that’s part of the issue. I can simply e-mail her:

“Hello Sybil,
You had emailed us last week that you would drop of a check for $x on Wednesday and you did not. Please advise when you will be dropping it off. The court order states on page 2 paragraph 1 “ excess funds will be returned to the respondent immediately”. Please comply. Thank you.”

This to her is an attacking harassing e-mail and she will not stand for it any longer and thus will not even read my e-mails. Then she will boldly lie that her bank’s online banking was down on Tuesday so she couldn’t verify the funds were there to write a check and when she called the bank to verify it that the phones were down. Right.

So confronting her myself is really just pretty much out of the question I think.

The second piece of advice they gave was to let it go. She is not my problem, she is his. If he chooses not to deal with her behavior, the consequences will be his. Let go. Let go of the control and let go of the vested interest. The biggest issue with this is that the consequences will not just be his. Our finances are combined so when she does not comply, it affects our finances. I cannot and will not separate my finances to assist in the ‘letting go’ process. That’s ridiculous.

Next, to an extent, we need her to comply with other requests based on the court order etc. Vacations, Doctors appointments, modifications to the schedule need to be approved by her and all those things DIRECTLY impact me. When she does not respond to him in a timely manner she affects me and my son. How does one let go of something that directly impacts them just because it’s (to a certain extent) out of their control???
My mathematical answer to that is to try to remove the part of the equation that is causing a negative impact. To remove Sybil is to remove the girls, a piece of the equation we fought much too hard and much too long to acquire-which leads me back to the beginning. I can feel the insanity starting to creep in, the absence of rational thought. Sybil is contagious and the cure is years away.

Conflict Avoidance

2008-11-07T07:47:00.000-08:00

Probably the single most frustrating aspect of my marriage.

Norm is a good man, descent and kind. He’s a great parent, fun, smart, funny, loving, supportive, encouraging, just, fair, stern when needed…you name it. He’s a busy busy guy though. He tends to bite off more than he can chew- so other aspects of his life pay the price. You could say his life lacks a bit of balance. His biggest flaw by far is that he has serious conflict avoidance issues. Mainly and ESPECIALLY when it comes to Sybil. It all started back when they were married.

Here’s a scenario: Sybil fears germs which causes her to scrub the house from top to bottom morning and night. It starts to affect their relationship so Norm says- please Sybil stop. Germs are not that bad. They are not something to be feared. Sybil proceeds to pull out every piece of evidence to prove to Norm how bad germs are. Norm contradicts the evidence with his own. Sybil states his evidence is wrong, hers is right and they argue. Sybil will not back down ever and then proceeds to purchase a $5000 vacuum that sucks up every piece of dust in the house when they are living on a small single income (because Sybil can’t work because she needs to sanitize the house all day.) Norm throws his hands up. This is one of fifty million examples of what occurred in their marriage

Fast forward to 2001 and instead of the argument being about germs it’s about home-schooling MS because her teacher was (supposedly) mean to her, called her names, hit her and pushed her down a flight of stairs. There were of course no witnesses and the teacher has no complaints against her...AT ALL. All the other kids lover her. The investigator found no grounds for charges and it was dropped by child protective services for ‘no basis.’ MS was diagnosed with separation anxiety (with her mother) and was throwing 16 fits when mom would try to take her to school. 40 some days absent later (seriously- I can’t make this shit up) and Sybil gets the bright idea to home-school without even consulting Norm. Sybil barely graduated high school and has ZERO follow through with just about everything. Norm finds out about the home-schooling and he basically just shakes his head and tells Sybil he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I nudged and said “are you kidding- you’re just going to allow her to do this!” His response “She’s irrational, I can’t argue with her, it won’t get me anywhere.”

I dug out his divorce decree – pointed to where it said “Joint Custody”- pulled out the definition of joint custody in the state statues where it has the section that pertains to school and decision making and said “She is breaking the law. You need to stop this.” He still did nothing- never called her out on her behavior, never told her she was out of line, nothing. At least not for another few years when MS was tested and tested 2 full years behind in school and Sybil was home schooling MN as well because “it’s only fair.” Can’t let MS stay home and play all day and make MN go to school, right? Actually she came up with some bullshit diagnosis on her own- MS had post traumatic stress disorder and MN was associating herself with MS’s condition….uhhhh yeah right whatever.

Fast forward again to today. Sybil proceeds to bash me in an e-mail, lie BOLDFACE about something so easy to verify it’s madness (which we did and we confirm she lied) and blame Norm for not communicating when she’s the one who’s dropping the ball. Norm’s response to her is basically “thank you for doing A, I’ll take care of B, let me know about C and I’ll let you know about D.” NOTHING about calling her out on her behavior and obvious LIES, nothing about ‘Stepmonster is not …, you must be confused.’ No defending himself, nothing. NOTHING

It deeply saddens me and confuses me about this man I love so much………who clearly needs a new set. (He already knows how I feel about this to the fullest extent and refuses to take anything I suggest into consideration which infuriates me even further.)

Maybe a lot of background on Sybil (part II)

2008-11-06T15:37:00.000-08:00

So where was I, …ah yes trouble in paradise. Now Mark seemed like a decent guy at first but the more supportive- emotionally and financially of Sybil he was, the less we “liked” him despite the fact that everyone who knew of him thought he was just “the nicest guy” …puke. Sybil was so blatantly hosing Norm and his rights as a father, never giving him a chance, leaving him sitting at the drop off point, ignoring his calls, breaking the court order left and right and falsely accusing him of some seriously heinous stuff with no basis what so ever and ZERO evidence. It was Parental Alienation all the way and then some. Mark just went right along with it and occasionally participated. Makes me ill just thinking about it and thinking back I just wanted to smash his face in because I knew he wasn’t psycho like her, he was just pussy whipped or something. I was SO tempted to call him up and meet him out for a beer and ask him WHAT THE F*CK? But I didn’t.

Back during the first custody battle we had a court ordered overnight and the girls ‘ran away’ (we later found out that Sybil gave MS her cell phone and told them to go hide out in the woods and they wouldn’t have to stay over- awesome huh?) So we came over to ‘help look for them.’ Mark and Sybil’s father showed up and ordered us off the property. There was an argument and we left. Amazingly enough the girls turned up less than a half hour later. The next morning Norm’s mother (lives around the corner), Norm and I all woke up to slashed tires, all three cars- all four tires. We were POSITIVE Sybil’s father did it but figured Mark helped. (Sybil’s father has stalked me a bit in the past as well as physically assaulted Norm- so that was right up his alley… he’s a real winner!)

I remember the day we had heard through the grapevine that there was trouble in paradise. Our attorney (who’s children we’ve essentially put through college over the past 6 years) told us there was a police report filed by Sybil against Mark and I just couldn’t help myself. Norm and I were in the neighborhood of the court house (our second home) so we stopped to check it out since it was public record. Reading that report was one of the better moments of my life. She accused him of pushing her into a table. According to the report they got into a fight and he pushed her. She made the statement that ‘he’s been physically and emotionally hurting her for years.” Norm and I read it together smiling with glee like it was Christmas morning and we had gotten a brand new BB gun. The records attendant looked at us a bit odd when we both got up and started dancing. It was basically our golden ticket. A ‘potential’ significant change in circumstances and a window that was cracked open for us to save the girls. It was a second chance.

In the line of fire

2008-11-04T17:15:00.001-08:00

So Sybil called Norm on a warpath mainly because she knows she’s been totally dropping the ball on the contacts/glasses thing, feels only about an ounce of the inadequacy she should be feeling and is, in turn, lashing out at Norm. What a bitch. He is no longer her whipping boy. I just wish he’d defend himself (and me for that matter) with a little more whoop ass.

She then proceeds to pull the old ‘it’s your fault’ card out by stating verbally and via an e-mail that Norms lack of communication is the reason MS hasn’t gotten the contacts yet. Unreal. She is so totally and completely delusional. Norm and I both have e-mailed and called about this only for her to drop the ball over and over. She is too busy working on her next victim to focus on her kids and their health. See right now, them needing health care is an inconvenience. Normally it’s the highlight of her day, especially if it’s something that she can put even the slightest serious spin on. She feeds on the attention of have sick children to the point that it’s very dangerous…but that’s to be ‘outed in detail’ on another day. I’m too tired and ticked off to type about it now.

A little background on Sybil (part I)

2008-10-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

The reason I call her Sybil is #1 when she was younger she sorta looked like Sally Field. #2 She is absolutely psychotic. I’m not just saying that. She fits the mold for Borderline Personality Disorder to a T – similar to the multiple personality disorder like in the movie Sybil so it’s a good name for her and there are definite similarities. Norm ignored the blazing red flags when they were dating – the hypochondria symptoms, the vainness, the OCD, the “save me!”, “be my hero!” cries. She a complex creature, definitely hard to figure out and ‘see through’ so I don’t blame Norm for wanting to be her hero.

The root of Sybil’s dysfunction truly lies with her parents and some of that dysfunction sadly, has been passed onto the girls. Sybil’s parents are spawns of the devil…seriously. They are some of the scariest people I’ve ever met. They are second or third cousins, knew it before they got married and married anyway. They both came from nice families and they both happen to be the black sheep or bad apple of the family. They had three children, Sybil is the oldest I believe, she has a younger sister who is actually worse than her (more vindictive and overall hateful) and a brother who is basically harmless but is the male version of a gold digger.

The five of them are known as a clan. They destroy everything they touch and despise anyone who disagrees with them and their methods of madness. They have no real friends, none of them. They use people for financial gain and typically when the one being used figures it out, the clan is dropped like a hot potato. Laziness is a common theme among the clan. Sybil has no job and never really cared to be productive other than reproducing for the clan. She is pretty and has used that to get men to care for her and now for her children. Sybil’s sister lived with her parents for over 10 years after high school while she obtained a degree in nursing. She took roughly two classes a semester and didn’t work. When she finally got her degree she took a job as a nurse and claimed to have gotten injured to the point of having a disability on the job in which she collects disability for. Although she has had no problem bearing children and picking them up well into their childhood during that time. Sybil’s brother is known as the laziest fireman in the firehouse. Has married wealthy women twice before and is married a third time which will probably end in either divorce or death. His new wife is a detective and apparently trigger happy; we think she’s just going to shoot him one of these days.

Sybil is now living with her parents (in their basement apartment thingie where her sister lived a short time ago), has 4 children (Norm’s 2 girls) and a boy and girl from her second husband- we’ll call him Mark (cuz he was her mark/target when she left Norm.) When she left Norm he was fairly certain she was seeing someone else. We suspected Mark because they got married 6 months and 1 week after her and Norm’s divorce were final (State statues require a 6 month delay in remarriage after a divorce is final, what a coincidence) Anyway, he was wealthy, worked for the family business and totally adored Sybil in high school. He was recently divorced when they hooked back up so it was a match made in heaven. Mark was the financial power house behind the first custody battle we fought so we didn’t like Mark very much. Add to it that he bought Sybil a big beautiful house, a big sparkly ring and spoiled her rotten which ensured she didn’t have to work.

We suspected there was trouble in paradise after the first custody battle but couldn’t be sure. We had heard he was accused of hitting her and moved out, moved back in and then they called it quits. He filed for divorce and she filed a restraining order. We didn’t believe for a second that he hit her. Sybil is the queen of false allegations as we had been victims of her delusional allegations for years prior. She was just playing her cards in the game of divorce and she new she had a serious card player at the table and there was a lot at stake since Mark had money. When Sybil & Norm got divorced, Norm just folded and walked away so she didn’t really need to play her games.

Putting a stop to the clothing 'issue'

2008-10-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

Took the girls shopping this weekend at a local outlet mall since the child support adjustment has sort-of gone through. Sybil is reimbursing us until it officially changes with the state/county/whomever. We almost fell over when she dropped that check off but I digress. Not that they didn’t have plenty of clothing but I’ll admit they didn’t have as much as they should. Sybil has spoiled them to the point of no return so they don’t expect any limitations to their expenditures. I realized that rather quickly on a shopping trip last spring when they both proceeded to put $10 underwear in the cart.

I told them if they could manage to get 5 full ‘winter’ outfits with $200 they would a $100 bonus to spend on whatever they wanted –clothing related (shoes, fancy underwear, whatever.) Don’t even ask me why MN needs fancy underwear because I am baffled and a little sick to my stomach about it.

MN was hardest to shop for because she’s 12 and wants to wear Juniors clothing and she’s tiny- like a size 10 or 12 in dresses and jeans. Trying to find a pair of “skinny’ low rise jeans (which are the only ones she’ll wear) in the kids section is next to impossible. I had some luck at Old Navy but those weren’t ‘cool.’ So in Juniors she’d be like a size 00, which barely exists. Why don’t they just go into the negative in sizes? I think we had some success at like Rue 21 or Pac Sun…thank the LORD because if we had gone a whole day shopping with her coming back with a few t-shirts I think I would have lost it.

Overall the trip was successful and I’m really proud of how conscientious they were with their budget. I think their math skills improved a bit too because there were a lot of sales for them to calculate the % off. We of course then had to have “the discussion” about how they need to make an effort to keep the clothing from us and from their mom straight. For example, they had their mom drop off a bag of clothes that they wore on Thursday and Friday then they wore one of their new outfits to school on Monday. They fully expect to pick the clothes up that their mom dropped off for them whereby keeping the ones from our house and taking the ones from their mom’s. So on Wednesday night when they come again (BTW- we get them every Wed & Thursday overnight and every other Friday-Monday) they’ll probably be wearing something from their mom’s but that outfit they wore on Monday is still over with their mom. They’ll wear another new outfit from us when they leave on Friday and leave the outfit from their mom’s (maybe or pick it up) which is where we will loose outfit #2, so on and so forth. Seriously, they would think this is okay. They’ve done it already. We’re missing a lot of their stuff and it’s hard to keep track.

So we made the rule this weekend that they are no longer allowed to have their mom drop off outfits. They need to manage the situation on their own. Sybil is enabling this behavior and it needs to stop. I can understand if it’s for something special like a dress or something but the day to day stuff needs to stop. They have plenty of clothing and they need to make due with what they have. Hopefully this weekend will have assisted in stopping the madness. We shall see.

2008-10-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

What I sent:
Sybil,
Norm received his pay stub and it's showing that you're getting the full amount (Child Support) again. Once you receive the $, can you please provide Norm a check for the difference which is $X00.01, it would be greatly appreciated. Please let us know if there is an issue.

Also, Norm still has not heard back from you regarding MS's contacts and glasses and how you want to proceed. He was hoping to hear back from you so we can finally get this taken care of. I feel bad for her that she's still struggling to see at school. I went ahead and rescheduled an appointment for her to get her contacts because I didn't feel it was fair to MS to wait any longer. They have openings on Tuesday but since that's when you have them I did not know if you had any availability so I scheduled her for next Thursday at 10 a.m. This is not convenient for us because I work and Norm is roofing but it was the soonest I could get her in. If you can take her on Tuesday it would be better (they have availability between 3-5p.m). so she doesn't need to miss school.

Also at the very least she will need glasses. Norm was also waiting for your response to order her glasses. If we go with the ones online they take about a week to get so please respond so we can get your approval in writing and order them. Again they run about $50 total including shipping. I'm not sure why you haven't responded as I understand you have been checking your e-mail but I would think you would be eager to address this since you seemed rather concerned about getting them in for the appointments.

On a side note, I understand the girls brought over another bag of clothing from your house. We would appreciate it if you would discourage them from doing this and we will as well. It just makes it harder for them to get the clothing back and forth. We are taking them shopping this weekend again so hopefully they will get clothing they will actually wear. They have plenty of clothing as I said. We have taken them shopping many times and occasionally they come back with nothing or very little so I hope that will not be the case again.

What I wanted to send:
Sybil,
Tomorrow you will be getting $x and although you deserve $0, legally you're still entitled to $X, please drop off a money order or cashier’s check for the difference (which is $x since I know math is tough for you) immediately following the deposit into your account before it goes negative and you can't make a withdrawal. You're personal rubber checks are not worth the ink used to print them.

Why the F*ck are you ignoring the e-mail that YOU asked for you psycho b!tch from hell! Your idiosyncrasies are really starting to piss me off. We paid for the contacts already- are you really too busy whoring around to take your precious perfect daughter to the follow-up? We're ordering the glasses and I'm glad you will have no say in what they look like.

You've messed up your girls’ brains so much that they think the only brand of clothing they can wear is Abercrombie... good luck keeping up with standard of living when your sugardaddy drops you on your nasty boney bootie. Have a sh!tty weekend.

Torn

2008-10-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Torn about how to feel about the girls hiding in their room all night, the "clothing situation" and their other random behavior. I know it's somewhat normal for teenagers to dissociate themselves from their parental units. Add to it that they have cable and internet access in their room. Part of me thinks they should be around us more. The placement change happened less than a year ago and this could be a coping mechanism or just normal behavior. They’ve been brainwashed to despise us so I get that they aren’t going to jump at the opportunity hang with us. I’m a bit at a loss as to what’s “normal” with teenagers.

The clothing issue drives me up the f-ing wall, across the ceiling and back down again. It shouldn’t. I am fully aware of this. I totally ‘get it’ that I am overly pissy about the fact that both of them have gobs of clothing at our house yet insist on shuttling clothing from their mom’s back and forth. We’ve spent hundreds on clothing for them and they don’t wear any of it. Clothing THEY picked out. They continue to complain to Sybil that they have none at our house. Why? I’m sick of asking them. We’re taking them shopping this weekend for what? More clothing they WON”T WEAR? My eye is starting to twitch…I need to drop this.

Random behavior especially from Mini-Sybil is baffling to me. They get up at the last minute to get ready for school. They shower at night so they can sleep longer in the morning. MS gets up and decides that she want to curl her hair. Now this may seem minor but I assure you it is not. Curling this girls hair is a full hour task. Her hair is stick straight, thick as molasses and half way down her back. It’s gorgeous and impossible to curl in the 5 minutes she allots herself to get ready in the morning. So, of course, they are running late this a.m. and she’s getting mad because she doesn’t have enough time to finish it. Hmmm…where’s the common sense? Probably out by the curb where she left her forethought. Poor thing is just absent sometimes.

Poking the Monster

2008-10-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

So Tuesday night, Norm says that the girls want to go to the football game on Wed nite - it's the last one of the season. I reminded him that we all had dance- we belong to an ethnic dance group that meets twice a month to practice. Norm and I teach, the girls and Norster all dance. He remembered but was still leaning toward letting them go since it was the last game of the season and they go to all of them, plus they actually called to ASK if they could go the day before. (Whoopidy freaking do da.) Never mind the fact that MN is only 12 and shouldn't really be hanging with her older sister at a high school football games, but I digress.

Norm and I talk about it yesterday and that we will need to drive them all the way down to the game (45 minutes South of our house) and then drive all the way out to dance (half hour North East of hour house) to make it to dance by 7. I said, wait a minute, this is an AWAY GAME??? He was like "Yeah." Uncomfortable Silence.

I wasn't real happy with the situation for several reasons. 1- thier grades stink, 2 it's a school night, 3 he was letting them bail on an obligation they had, to go "watch" a game they don't understand (so they can hang out with their friends.) 4- it was totally out of our way to take them and would mean we'd have to leave right when we got home in order to make dance on time and wouldn't get home until late which meant Norster wouldn't get to bed until about an hour after his bedtime. The entire situation STUNK from the word go.

The stench just got worse as the night progressed. Norm wanted to look up their school progress prior to letting them go when we got home from work so we got out late. There was no time to eat dinner so we stopped at McD's so I ended up with a stomach ache the rest of the night. We ended up being 30 minutes late for dance. When we went to pick them up from the game they asked if we could give a friend a ride home- didn't have any more room in the car so they asked if we could wait until her dad came to get her. 30 full minutes late her dad finally shows and we don't get home until LATE. I was NOT HAPPY to say the least and tried my best to bite my tongue. Norm just can't quite understand why I'm upset...

Numero Uno

2008-10-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

Should have started this many years ago when I first entered the life of Step Monsterhood. I never kept a diary but I have a pretty good memory so I can plug it all in here.I married a man with two beautiful girls, at the time they were 3 and 6, sweet and innocent. I can't say he didn't warn me. He told me his ex was nuts, but they all say that right? I mean, I said my ex was nuts, but in reality he was just immature and a little on the obnoxious side. That's really about it. Mentally he was pretty stable but we parted ways rather quickly anyway after I realized shortly after the wedding that the fighting wasn't going to stop, ever.

So here I am almost ten years later and trying to find that special little place in the step-parenting world we all seek...sanity. The girls are now 12 and 15 and we have shared placement (for those of you unfamiliar with the term- it means we have them in our home living with us 50% of the time.) Things are...(on a scale of 1 being bad and 10 being awesome) about a 5, maybe a 4 or 6 depending on the day and the chaos and drama surrounding that day. Silly, silly me thought it'd be about an 8 or 9 but maybe I had my hopes up too high, or too much faith or too much ignorance...can't quite put my finger on it just yet but I'll let you know when I do.

Over the last -lets just say 10 years cuz it sounds better- it's been rough. 2 major custody battles, psych evaluations, false accusations of every type of abuse you can imagine, 10 different therapists/shrinks (not for me ;), a few ulcers and tens of thousands of dollars spent on legal fees boil down to nothing more than the ability to say "we did everything we could." Did we WIN??? Yes and No. But we are certainly paying a dear price for whatever it is that we won.